Administration cites national security concerns, unfair labor practices, and an ongoing distrust of robots that calculate odds.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced an expansion of his administration’s immigration crackdown Thursday, adding R2-D2 and C-3PO visa holders to a growing list of foreign workers prohibited from entering the United States.
The surprise announcement came during a White House press conference, where Trump described the new restrictions as a long-overdue measure to protect American workers from foreign-built artificial intelligence.
“The H-1B ban took a lot of careful consideration. A lot of very smart people worked on that,” Trump told reporters. “But this one? I’ve been wanting to ban droids since the Clone Wars. We don’t like their kind. Never have. With their bleep-blops and their calculations of odds. We don’t want to know the odds! Not now, not ever. Nobody wants to know the odds. I’m not an odds guy.”
Trump continued, apparently taking particular issue with protocol droids.
“They say these robots can speak six million languages. Six million! Very impressive, they tell me. But can they speak English? Nobody knows. Nobody’s asking. I think they should learn English. That’s what I think.”
The administration says the restrictions will apply to all foreign-manufactured astromech and protocol droids, including those already employed in navigation, translation, mechanical repair, and diplomatic relations.
White House officials defended the sweeping new policy, noting that many of the affected droids have been operating in the country for decades without ever having been issued a Social Security number.
“Some of these machines have been here since 1977,” a senior administration official said. “That’s nearly fifty years of unchecked mechanical immigration.”
The announcement drew immediate condemnation from Democratic lawmakers, who accused the administration of discrimination against non-biological workers.
When asked whether he saw any hypocrisy in his anti-droid policy, given his enthusiastic support for AI and military drones, Trump quickly snapped back.
“Drones don’t tell you the odds. They don’t say, ‘But sir!’ No! And AI, I love AI. We all love AI. It does great things. Very great things. Some people are saying AI is actually superior intelligence. Not artificial intelligence, but superior intelligence. SI! Yes, SI. Very great.”
The president continued without prompting.
“Wise people come to me, very wise people, and they all come to me and say, ‘Sir, we’ve never seen anything like this. Sir, you are so great, and you’re getting rid of droids. No one’s done that before.’ And they’re right. Nobody’s done it. Until now.”
